Longing for the Kingdom

It has been so long since I've written anything! As I look back on this summer, it is not for lack of things happenning, but somehow I haven't really had the words to share what I've been thinking about.

We have had a long summer adjusting to our new little corner in Gulf Dr. All of our little buddies that we played with for two years moved away, so that has been a bit change for little Wyatt but also for me. All of our new neighbors are working most of the day, so there has been a little whole in my life where my former friendships have sort of changed. I love keeping up with people on the phone, but it just isn't the same as seeing someone almost everyday.

We went to California in June and when we returned our sweet friends' daughter returned to the hospital with an infection following her fourth round of chemo. What started as days, turned into weeks, and somehow slowly yet quickly (if that can even make sense) weeks turned into months that this precious baby was in the hospital fighting for her life. Just yesterday she went home from the hospital. Our friends brought home a baby that in many ways is nothing like the one they went to the hospital with months ago. Her infection caused serious damage to her brain and now they will begin the waiting game of seeing how rehab will help her. So much is unknown. It is hard to not, for the sake of avoiding what could be little improvement, cling to the stories people tell about miraculous brain recovery and babies that can relearn almost anything. But I have really been struck that while that is more optomistic, it may not necessarily be what our Lord has planned. We all know he can and does have the means to change any situation, so all of me prays toward that end, but part of me doesn't quite know how to process that he may not change this situation and that our friends' suffering will somehow bring glory to Him. I look every day at my daughter who is days younger than their baby and wonder why she has been granted a life that so far has been spared from this awful suffering and she is growing and learning new things every day, things that our friends' daughter may never do. I sat with my friend both of us in tears as we talked about her suffering and our joy and just what are we supposed to do with that? I don't want to convey doubt that our great and faithful God surely has a plan that is far greater than what I can concieve, but there must be room in this life to be honest and face the facts that we aren't experiencing life the way it is supposed to be! Another friend of ours spoke at a funeral once and talked about this very subject of pain and suffering and really helped me process some of these feelings that I am facing today. If only I would remember his words every day. So often the Christian response in death and suffering is to tritely "rejoice" in God's plan that our loved ones are with Him or someday will be free of suffering and with Him. Don't here me saying that this day won't be glorious, but that does little for those here on earth experiencing the loss and pain. I am reminded that pain, loss, suffering and simply stated all of the bad stuff that we experience here on earth is a product of the fall and is not the way things should be! It is okay to be real and hate how one feels in these circumstances because we should be longing for something better. Sin has left us hurting and longing for more...our hope is for Christ's return and the coming of His kingdom that will restore all things and make them truly better than we can ever imagine. So please pray with me and others that this sweet baby will be spared any more suffering and that she will be healed but that our friends will also be able to experience some sense of the peace of God in their lives regardless of what the outcome will be.


Another note on suffering...please note I am using this word in the most mildest of ways...this is what I hate about someone else reading what you write as opposed to listening to what you are saying. So often the tone is lost. I suppose if I was a better writer it wouldn't be, but I am not. We are excited to share we are pregnant again, but yet again deep in the trenches of throwup!!! I naively think that with each pregnancy maybe my body will respond differently, but to no avail, I always end up puking and often. I am taking medication which seems to ever so slightly help. So rejoice with us for this new life and pray for a short period of sickness. As endearing as it is, I long for a morning where sweet little Wyatt doesn't wake up saying, "Mommy, you feeling so better??? a lot????"


On a final note, David is off to his last year at Covenant. We are so excited that he is almost finished with this program. He really has gained so much from the experience here. Please pray for us as we are considering where exactly God is calling us and what He is calling us to.

God Bless.